Mr
Toastmaster, Ladies and Gentlemen,
One of the most important things in this life is to love and accept who you are and chase after who you want to become.
I am a Flake. I have always been proud of my maiden name. Corn Flake, bran flake, frosted flake, dandruff flake…I’ve heard them all before. If you have another more interesting crack at my last name, I'd love to hear it. Snowflake is my favorite because my great-great great grandfather William Jordan Flake colonized Snowflake Arizona. It reminds me that for years and years, my relatives have also chased their dreams and became who they wanted to be.
The word "flake" generally has a pretty negative connotation. By definition a flake is an unreliable person; someone who agrees to do something, but never follows through. I am here to introduce you to a new kind of flake. We stand for the truth. We stand for the right. When we commit, we are in it till the end. We chase after what and who we want to become. Some experiences from my life will help illustrate this.
First example...When I was 2 years old, my parents took me to Pensacola University to watch the BYU Ballroom and Folk Dance teams. I was fascinated with the dancing…the costumes...the excitement that lingered in the air after the show was finished. I leaned over to my parents and said in my two-year old voice, "I want to be a B-I-U dancer." 23 years later, I fulfilled that dream. I was accepted to BYU-Idaho. When I made the Ballroom dance tour team, my dream became a reality. I was a BYU-I dancer. See…my two year old self knew there was an “I” in the mix somewhere. I enjoyed every minute.
Next example: I figured out my career at the ripe old age of 5. I loved my kindergarten teacher, and knew that's what I wanted to be. On the last day of school, while other kids ran out screaming for their new-found freedom, I went through the teachers piles of throw-out worksheets. I took the bulk of them home and played school in a fall-out shelter with my neighbors all summer long. The only problem was we all wanted to be teachers, so I never had any students in my class. I am currently teaching in my fifth year and learning and loving every day.
My last example of chasing dreams explains why I am standing in front of you tonight. When I was 14, I started listening to motivational tapes of youth speakers from my church. Troy Dunn, Joann Hibbert Hamilton, and John Bytheway were my heroes. I listened to a variety of topics that really helped and encouraged me in those troubled teen years. I knew that one day I wanted to become a motivational speaker myself. I started preparing talks and speeches at home and I currently have around 20-25 talks and speeches ready to give at a moment’s notice.
I heard of Toastmasters from a friend a few weeks ago who I had shared this goal with. Now I stand before you sharing my life story with new and undiscovered friends. To become the public speaker I want to be, I know it will take many times of getting up in front of you, sharing my thoughts and feelings on various subjects. This journey I will take in Toastmasters reminds me of the process of how gold is made.
In the process of refining gold, it is heated up to a very high temperature. This causes the impurities to come to the top and then that dross is scooped off of the gold. The temperature is increased incrementally and this process is repeated. When there is no more dross that floats to the top and the refiner can look at the gold as a mirror and see his own image, he knows that the gold is finally pure.
I am sure I will struggle with different aspects of speaking and evaluating myself and others. I am sure there will be many tears of frustration. No dream comes without them. And just as gold is thrown in and out of the fire, it is not finished until the temperature has increased and all of the dross has been removed. I hope to work out those kinks in my speaking and pursue this life-long goal of becoming an influence for good. Chasing after this dream is the right choice for me at this point of my life, and I thank you in advance for being a part of it.
Mr. Toastmaster
Evaluation of icebreaker
I had a feeling that someone might cancel their speech. I also had the feeling I would try to volunteer a week earlier and take said spot! Well that is exactly what happened. Joy cancelled and I quickly volunteered, although I knew I could have done better if I would have just waited. Oh well...I was excited to start.
Dick Carr was my evaluator. I was ready to go. I was the second speaker. The one before me went 10 minutes. I was about to pull out my hair before it was over. He was an okay speaker, but he rambled on and on and on. He didn't have a script, and I really don;t think he prepared anything. Well, then it was my turn.
I had my notes and outline, and never did look at my outline. I looked at my whole written speech instead....and I did look down at it, but I had memorized most of it. I shook a little, but not as much as when I gave it to my family on Thanksgiving night. Mmmm... what does that tell me.
I missed one complete big thought about me actually becoming a teacher. So I think I am going to base me next speech on being a teacher.
Rick told that I had a great speaking voice. Some critique I received was to try to memorize the speech, and move away from the lectern.
For a first time, I didn't feel I did too bad, and I have spoke five times in the last year in church so it wasn't like I went in their cold turkey. I want to try to do without my notes next time.
Chasing Dreams Outline
One of the most important thing in this life....
A. I am a flake!
- Corn flake
- Snowflake
- William Jordan Flake
- Reminds me relatives have also chased
B. Flake=negative connotation
- Unreliable person
- Agrees to do something
- No follow through
- We stand
- When we say
- Examples from my life
C. 2 years old
- Pensacola University
- BYU Ballroom and Folk dance teams
- Costumes, music, excitement that lingered
- 23 years later
- BYU-Idaho
- A few letters off
D. Career at 5 yrs of age
- Kindergarten teacher
- Worksheets
- Fall-out shelter
- No students
- Venture Academy
E. Why I am standing here today
- Motivational tapes
- Troy Dunn
- Variety of topics
- Troubled teen years
- Preparing talks and speeches
F. Toastmasters
- Friend introduced
- New and undiscovered friends
- Many times of getting up
- Journey of Toastmaster reminds me of how gold is made
G. Process of refining gold
- Heated up
- Impurities to come
- Dross is scooped off
- Temperature is increased
- No more dross
- Gold as a mirror
- Finally pure
H. Struggle
- Tears of frustration
- No dream
- Just as gold is thrown
- it is not finished until
- I hope to work out these kinks
- Chasing after this dream
- I thank you in advance
Extra "stuff" that wouldn'tfit in a 4-6 minute speech
First paragraph
Opening yourself to others is always a little challenging. Most are afraid to reveal what is inside. Some are too willing to give pieces of themselves away. So many times in life, people try to peg you as a certain type of person. Stereotypes overwhelm you. Disappointment, discouragement and failure destroy what you are trying to be.
Extra stuff that wouldn't fit but that would have gone after my "school" paragraph
I grew up in a small town in southeast Georgia. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and our small branch or church group had a set of missionaries who would teach others about our church and beliefs. My family invited the missionaries over at least once a week. I grew up with these 18-25 year old men and women who set prime examples of who I wanted to be. My father and 3 brothers served honorable missions in various places throughout the world, and I yearned to become one myself. I also wanted to share what I knew.
I was honored to be called to serve for 18 months in the Nevada, Las Vegas mission. Before entering the mission field, every elder or sister must undergo some training in the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah. I remember feeling frustrated with my district I had been assigned to. The elders and sisters were nonchalant about being there. It seemed the decision was already made for them and it was something they were just supposed to do. I had looked forward to this experience for so long, and my expectations were so high that when it finally came, I was disappointed that it wasn't everything I had hoped. I wrote my dad and explained my frustrations. This was his reply:
"Be a Sister Flake. You are the first sister missionary of Grandma and Grandpa Flake. I know they are very proud of you and your decision to go on a mission. You join a long line of Flakes that have a served a mission from the William Jordan Flake family. You represent the whole family in what you do."
First of all good job. I hope you don't take these things as too hard. It was a good talk...I just like ripping things apart. So take my suggestions or leave them. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteWHen you mention stereotypes...mention a few.
When you say "you are the first sister missionary of Grandma and Grandpa" add Flake at the end. SO it says Grnadma and Grandpa Flake.
The paragraph that says "And that really is the heart of my message..." I would eliminate the rest of that paragraph or move it to the end. It doesn't flow for me.
You need some kind of transition phrase before you move in to talking about refining gold...like "Let me give you an example..." or something similar.
Isn't it silver that the silversmith has to see their reflection in...not gold?
Define dross better the first time you use the word.
How high is gold heated up...do your homework and put it in terms we can understand...so for example, if it is 1000 degrees...how hot it that...is it the same temp as molten lava? etc...
The last 3 paragraphs are rough for me...maybe you need something like..."This is our goal to become refined so that our image is reflecting to others who we are and where we came from."
I am not seeing how love and service are tied in to this...if you want to incorporate them, they need to be explained better.
You have a good theme going there, Jenny. Read it out loud to yourself and to someone else.
ReplyDelete"I could tell you I was born in raised in a small Georgia town, but then I remembered everyone does that, and I am not like everyone." Everybody does that, or everybody has had this experience? "I could tell you" may get some criticism from a Toastmaster audience because you DID just tell them. They HATE the phrase "I would like to introduce" when you ARE introducing someone, for example.
"If you have another more interesting crack at my last name, I'd love to hear it. " Might want to put this sentence after the one which follows it.
For your other experiences, you might consider them as expressions of your core values or as avenues through which you have tried to develop your core values so it doesn't sound like you are dismissing them as unimportant. And it's still not clear to me how your forefathers' (and foremothers?) values translated into the love and service you believe reveals to you the person you want to become. Do you hope it also reveals to others the person you hope to become? Would you like to see that reflected in your relationships with them? Are you sure that others will accept your belief that love and service are the only ways any of us discover who we are supposed to be? Might some people have learned things about themselves in other ways? Living through trials, working toward goals, etc? Should you use "you" in this sentence?
With the Toastmasters audience, humility and confidence together work well. Concerning the "refiner's fire" part of the talk, you might want to say something which reflects humility as well as determination.
Keep up the good work.
Deleted and revised previous comments above. Getting more ideas.
ReplyDeleteHow about something like, " I considered going into detail about how I was born and raised in a small Georgia town. But then I remembered that everyone who watches TV has had that experience, at least vicariously. You may already have an image in your mind of what that small Georgia town was like. Maybe with some twangy music playing in the background. But that wouldn't tell you much about who I am now."
When you use imagery, try to develop it. "I could tell you some stories about the many wonderful years I had in choir, acting, cheerleading, or serving in the 4-H club. But even though THOSE EXPERIENCES HAVE played a part in who I am, THEY'RE only the nuts and bolts of this running machine. "
Where did the "nuts and bolts of this running machine" come from, and where is it leading? How did those experiences become the nuts and bolts of your running machine?
Watch for run-on sentences. And as a general rule, use really short sentences for driving home a point.
Think about some ways to connect with your audience. In a way, Toastmasters is sort of a "refiner's fire". And it also attracts people who are interested in helping themselves and others reach their full potential in public speaking and related parts of life. Could you work this into your conclusion?
Christina Martinson
ReplyDeleteLOVE IT! I think you could make the intro shorter, and play up the founding of Snowflake and following the missionary spirit of your ancestor. Don't get me wrong the intro is good, but the time flies! So you want to have an intro, but maybe leave it to 2 things. Also the conclusion needs work.
Use the same pattern as you did in the intro. but this time say one or two things about how the ex. of your ancestor to persevere and the mission experience changed you for the better.
Also memorize the last line of your conclusion, powerful delivery is important, because it's the last impression and most memorable. These are all just suggestions, I'm not a pro.
Mom's comments:
ReplyDeleteThe comments are all helpful and good and makes me think that you need a story to tell about the trip out west of service and love and then connecting that to the refiners fire. Maybe the story about them taking Liz back to the south after getting halfway out west. I think that took a lot of love and service. I am not of the toastmaster quality but just a humble opinion. on Icebreaker
It's wonderful. I love it Most of my changes are typographical and you probably don't care...but like I said...I like to pick things apart. Thanks for asking me to re-read it.
ReplyDeleteI need your email to send you the changes I am suggesting...you can msg it to me. I marked changes in red and when I copy and paste it here the red doesn't show up.
I think I would try to find an average number of times gold is refined til it is mirror like... and then maybe even bring your mission back when you talk about frustration in your wrap up. That you're continuing to honor your family and go through hard things to get to what you want
ReplyDeleteBut, thats just one random girl's thoughts so do what you think is right!
It is really good and I think that it shows a lot about you without making you too vulnerable or sharing too much right off the bat.
This sounds great, I am impressed =). I only have one thing - in the 5 th paragraph from the bottom, you write "... And someone who goes after their dreams.". Shouldn't it be "her dreams"? I'm no English major, but I don't think that is the proper way to use the word "their."
ReplyDeleteJenny, this is your Lele! Did you know that I attended Toastmasters International while I lived in Georgia? My mother and I went together! It was a great experience for me.
ReplyDeleteYou asked for my comments. I read your icebreaker, and imagined how you would sound while you were giving it. It is totally you. :-) I am glad that you cut out the part about your mission, though. It would have been a heavy icebreaker speech, had you left it in. I think you don't want to come across as though you are wanting to convert people. You live in Utah. So, I think you have to leave it out of the game. Had you been in GA, it might have been a different situation... I hope you know what I mean.
I also thought the gold being refined end is somewhat cliche'. If you like it, keep it. But what if you did a tad bit of research on a snowfalke in nature. Here is the first paragraph from the wikipedia page if you type in the word "SNOWFLAKE":
Snowflakes are conglomerations of frozen ice crystals which fall through the Earth's atmosphere. They begin as snow crystals which develop when microscopic supercooled cloud droplets freeze. Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Complex shapes emerge as the flake moves through differing temperature and humidity regimes, such that individual snowflakes are nearly unique in structure. Snowflakes encapsulated in rime form balls known as graupel. Snowflakes appear white in color despite being made of clear ice. This is due to diffuse reflection of the whole spectrum of light by the small crystal facets.
Somwhow that sounds amazing! Think about how much it takes to make such a wonderful, individual snowflake. I think it could also be a symbol of what you want to demostrate, while staying on the topic of your last name!
There you go! My two cents. But, please, only take it as advice! Otherwise, I love your icebreaker!
Excited to hear how it went!!!