#6 Taming the tongue trouble

Speech 6:  Vocal Variety

• Does your voice put your audience to sleep? Does it put you to sleep?
• Do you find it hard to convey emotions with your voice?
• Are you easy to listen to, or does your voice let you down?

The sixth Toastmasters speech project guides you to harness the power of your own voice. This article of the Toastmasters Speech Series examines the primary goals of this project, provides tips and techniques, and links to numerous sample speeches.

Why is This Speech Important?

• pace,
• pitch,
• power, and
• pauses.

Speech starts here:

Mr. Toastmaster...fellow Toastmasters,

I used to ride horses alot when I lived in Georgia.  Had you ever watched me, you would think I was a natural. Had you stuck around to see me get off the horse, you would see my hands clenched tightly by my side and sweat start to roll down my worried face.  You would see me back as far away as I could. When I set my feet down next to a horse's, you would realize I am no longer the girl who sat so bravely on the saddle.

Maybe it is because I am so small.  Or maybe because when I am in the saddle with a handle on the horse's reins, I know I am safe.  Even though the bit which is in the horse's mouth is so small, it is the key to steering this massive, gentle animal.  How can something so small as a bit be the key to controlling the direction of such an animal?

It is the same with ships.  No matter the size, the ships are controlled but by a small helm, or steering wheel.  By a flick of the wrist, the ship is able to turn this way or that.  No matter the wind, the waves, or the amount of weight it carries.  It is controlled by this small integral part of the ship.

These examples illustrate how the next few verses I will read have haunted me for many years.   In short it reads,  "the tongue is a little member, and ^aboasteth great things. Behold, how great a ^bmatter a little fire kindleth!  And the ^atongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: and setteth on fire the course of nature; But the ^atongue can no man tame; it is an ^bunruly evil, full of deadly poison."

How many of you have ever gotten in trouble because you let your tongue get away from you?  You just had to say that one thing.   One of my favorite nicknames in high school was "Mouth of the south." I earned that nickname.  I talked alot.  I still do, but imagine how much I talk now, and triple that.  I talked to people at school.  I talked to people at my various activities after school.   I even talked to people in grocery lines.  I could start a conversation about anything.  Still can!  I must have gotten that from my dad.  He was so friendly to everyone and I saw the value in that. Being involved in many people's lives, you start to get involved with their trials and challenges also. I guess that is where the trouble comes in.  I am very bold when I have an opinion.  I stand up for what I think is right and sometimes I have to step on toes to accomplish that.

How can we be so kind and just one moment, and yet, our tongues best us the next.  I can't tell you all the times, my mouth has gotten me in trouble.  I am one of those really blunt loud mouths that has to say exactly how I feel or I am going to burst.  Following the outburst, there is a moment of satisfaction, and then a world of regret.

It seems the better I know the person, the more I am more likely to do this.  I justify that this person would know me enough that it wouldn't bother them.  But I am always wrong about that.  No one likes to hear correction.  No one likes criticism.  No one likes to be told that they are not doing enough.  And I seem to have a full bucket of corrections, criticisms  and things for them to do my way.

Essentially tongues are the epitome of who we are.  Even though a very small member of our bodies, as I said before, a tongue is a fire. We may do many kind deeds in life like serving at a soup kitchen, or volunteering at the Blood drive.  We may visit the sick or the needy.  We may even change a person's life for the better.  But as soon as we say something that hurts another, all of those acts of kindness burn and turn to ash.  Later in this chapter I have read from, it says, "Out of the same mouth proceedeth blessing and cursing. Doth a ^afountain send forth at the same place sweet water and bitter?

I had an "aha moment"as I sat reading these verses.  How could I profess to be one person, but allow myself to let these daggers and swords escape my tongue?  And then the memories started to roll in.  I thought of all the many broken relationships that I've had where I had to say that last part and scare them to high heaven.  I thought of the many times I had to get the last word in an argument with my parents and then to top it off with a door slam.  I thought of all the many petty fights I had with my girlfriends back in high school and college that left damaged friendships left and right.  Who would I be today if I would have found some duct tape for my mouth?  What relationships and friendships would I have prevented from harm if I would have just closed this "mouth of the south?"

Unfortunately, I have had many experiences where bitter water has flowed fitfully from my mouth.  It seemed I was unable to stop it.  Or I just didn't want to.  What I had to say needed to be said eventually, and why not be the one to say it?  That person would eventually get over it and would realize the credit of me saying it to them in the first place.  Maybe not right away, but one day.


But who was I to ruin their course of life?  Ultimately, I cannot change who they are.  I can lovingly suggest and lead and guide, but I do not even have the right to do that in most cases.  I guess there really is no point in looking back.  Although, I do think recognition of weaknesses is power.  I don't want to be one of those people that build hundreds of bridges that benefit others, and then burn them all down with hurtful words and wrong decisions made by my unruly tongue.   Taming the tongue will not be easy.  But I think of all those times where my tongue has gotten me into trouble.  Times where my tongue has ruined relationships for good.  And I am sure it will be worth it.  

Bush Whackers: Try 2

Purpose: Every speech must have a general and a specific purpose. A general purpose is to inform, to persuade, to entertain, or to inspire. A specific purpose is what you want the audience to do after listening to your speech. Once you have established your general and specific purposes, you’ll find it easy to organize your speech. You’ll also have more confidence, which makes you more convincing, enthusiastic, and sincere. Of course, the better organized the speech is, the more likely it is to achieve your purpose.

Objectives Organize the speech in a manner that best achieves those purposes. Ensure the beginning, body, and conclusion reinforce the purpose. Project sincerity and conviction and control any nervousness you may feel. Strive not to use notes.

Thank you Mr. Toastmaster.  Fellow Toastmasters, guests...

It bothers me when people beat around the bush.

Have you ever had an argument that sparks a whole bunch of unsaid feelings and emotions?  First you are fighting about whose turn it is to take out the trash, and before you know it, you are fighting over things that person did to you 5 hours ago, 5 days ago, or even 5 years ago.  When I was in college, I was engaged to a boy from Rigby Idaho.  My fiancé and I had one of these small fights.  In fact, as I tried to remember what this fight was all about, I couldn't.  It was that small.  But no matter how small I thought it was, it opened a huge can of unwanted worms in our relationship.

After the argument, he dropped me off at my apartment and I did not see him for many hours after that.  I called him numerous times to apologize for whatever I might have said.  Surely he couldn't be this mad at me…that he wouldn't even talk to me.  The next morning he didn't show up to go to church with me. All throughout my meetings I kept wondering what I had done wrong?  What could I have said to have prevented this argument?  I finally could not take it and drove to his house to confront him.  He took me to a local park and we sat down to talk things out.

He started off with, Jenny, we need to talk.  That never tends to be a great starter to a conversation with someone you love. Right then and there, I should have known I would be getting more than I had bargained for.  He tried to tell me how good I was, how he didn't deserve me.  He told me that he couldn't change who he was and who he was was not good enough for me.  He told me he loved me and just couldn't stand in my way anymore.  Anyone heard this same conversation?

As I sat listening to this flood of new, terrible information, I realized my dream of marrying him was in danger.  I tried to tell him that he was wrong that I didn't care about all that other stuff.  It was my choice and I chose him.  He told me it was not up for discussion anymore.  He wasn't going to be that guy.  What guy that was, I have no idea.  But I left feeling unsettled.  Were we officially broken up or did he need to take a break? I was more confused than I was two hours before I talked with him. 

For sake of your time, that was one of the last conversations I had with him.  He didn't answer any of my phone calls.  He did not want to see me and pushed me away when I tried to talk to him in public.  Things were left unsaid.  Questions were not answered, and because I was young and immature, I needed closure.  Instead of telling me how he really felt, he played with my poor emotions.   

Later I realized what he really should have done.  Instead of giving me a flood of crappy excuses of why he didn't want to be with me, (which took two hours) he needed to say what he really felt. He was no longer interested in marrying me.  Now let's just put it to the test.  How long would it have taken him to say what he really needed to? Anyone have a second-hand watch? (Pull out a teddy bear).    I want you to time the conversation when I say 'go' to illustrate how much easier and time effective it is to say what you mean when you really need to say it.  "Go."

I don't want to marry you.

"Stop."  Five seconds.  Five seconds compared to the two hours it took him to try to, in a very roundabout way, say the same thing.  Some people might think he was trying to soften the blow.  Believe me I'd rather have the blunt reply than the two hour spill of not saying what you mean.  That would have given me a whole hour and 58 minutes to go home, eat a bucket of greasy fried chicken and a gallon of ice cream, watch my favorite chick flick, and cry until my tear ducts were empty.  And afterwards, I am going to feel relieved I know where I stand.  I can now start making steps to moving on and finding someone better in my life.  

Fellow Toastmasters, how many times do we do this similar thing...beat around the bushes of our lives?  How many times do we choose the easier path because it is more convenient for us? 

The phrase "beating around the bush" came from an old hunting technique? Hunters, especially those hunting boars, or wild pigs, would beat at bushes and trees to get boars to run out of their hiding places. This was safer than confronting them straight on, due to the razor sharp tusks. Beating around the bush saved hunters from being injured by dangerous animals.  In this case it is a helpful idea.  In my story, beating around the bush was hurtful and left me more damaged. 

We understand why people beat around the bush...to avoid sticky situations, or to prevent people from being hurt.  But how many times does beating around the bushes of our lives prevent us from really feeling something special….or hard?  I have found I have become a stronger person because of the challenges I have endured in my life.  Do I really want to avoid them?

How much better will it be at the end of our life to say to our loved ones, “I have lived a fulfilling life?  I have said things that needed to be said.  I have done things I have said I would do.” What are the boars in our life that we do not want to confront straight on?  What dangerous animals are we hiding from?  What tasks are we putting aside because we are too scared of the risks…or the time… or the effort we would have to put in?

The big boar in my life right now is writing a children’s picture book series.  I have it right there in my mind.  I know the big idea.  I even have a plan of how I will publish pictures.  So what’s standing in my way?  My fear of being rejected?  The money?  I guess a little of all.  But even though I think time is the biggest issue, it’s actually not.  I spend so much time on my Ipod, my Facebook account, and my email each night.   I could accomplish so much if I would just stop beating around the bushes that hide my ultimate goals.  Stop hiding behind my TV and computer screens, and dedicate myself to the task.  I have the time to accomplish this task, but I also have time to beat around the bush.  I know my time would be much better spent by going after what I want.   

Instead of avoiding this boar and others, I’m going to try to tackle those life-taking beasts.  Picturing a big boar standing in the way of my dreams really helps me stay motivated.  I’m going to take control of my life and charge right through the bush...come what may.  Instead of being a bush beater, I’m going to chop that sucker down!

Mr. Toastmaster