Bush Whackers: Try 2

Purpose: Every speech must have a general and a specific purpose. A general purpose is to inform, to persuade, to entertain, or to inspire. A specific purpose is what you want the audience to do after listening to your speech. Once you have established your general and specific purposes, you’ll find it easy to organize your speech. You’ll also have more confidence, which makes you more convincing, enthusiastic, and sincere. Of course, the better organized the speech is, the more likely it is to achieve your purpose.

Objectives Organize the speech in a manner that best achieves those purposes. Ensure the beginning, body, and conclusion reinforce the purpose. Project sincerity and conviction and control any nervousness you may feel. Strive not to use notes.

Thank you Mr. Toastmaster.  Fellow Toastmasters, guests...

It bothers me when people beat around the bush.

Have you ever had an argument that sparks a whole bunch of unsaid feelings and emotions?  First you are fighting about whose turn it is to take out the trash, and before you know it, you are fighting over things that person did to you 5 hours ago, 5 days ago, or even 5 years ago.  When I was in college, I was engaged to a boy from Rigby Idaho.  My fiancé and I had one of these small fights.  In fact, as I tried to remember what this fight was all about, I couldn't.  It was that small.  But no matter how small I thought it was, it opened a huge can of unwanted worms in our relationship.

After the argument, he dropped me off at my apartment and I did not see him for many hours after that.  I called him numerous times to apologize for whatever I might have said.  Surely he couldn't be this mad at me…that he wouldn't even talk to me.  The next morning he didn't show up to go to church with me. All throughout my meetings I kept wondering what I had done wrong?  What could I have said to have prevented this argument?  I finally could not take it and drove to his house to confront him.  He took me to a local park and we sat down to talk things out.

He started off with, Jenny, we need to talk.  That never tends to be a great starter to a conversation with someone you love. Right then and there, I should have known I would be getting more than I had bargained for.  He tried to tell me how good I was, how he didn't deserve me.  He told me that he couldn't change who he was and who he was was not good enough for me.  He told me he loved me and just couldn't stand in my way anymore.  Anyone heard this same conversation?

As I sat listening to this flood of new, terrible information, I realized my dream of marrying him was in danger.  I tried to tell him that he was wrong that I didn't care about all that other stuff.  It was my choice and I chose him.  He told me it was not up for discussion anymore.  He wasn't going to be that guy.  What guy that was, I have no idea.  But I left feeling unsettled.  Were we officially broken up or did he need to take a break? I was more confused than I was two hours before I talked with him. 

For sake of your time, that was one of the last conversations I had with him.  He didn't answer any of my phone calls.  He did not want to see me and pushed me away when I tried to talk to him in public.  Things were left unsaid.  Questions were not answered, and because I was young and immature, I needed closure.  Instead of telling me how he really felt, he played with my poor emotions.   

Later I realized what he really should have done.  Instead of giving me a flood of crappy excuses of why he didn't want to be with me, (which took two hours) he needed to say what he really felt. He was no longer interested in marrying me.  Now let's just put it to the test.  How long would it have taken him to say what he really needed to? Anyone have a second-hand watch? (Pull out a teddy bear).    I want you to time the conversation when I say 'go' to illustrate how much easier and time effective it is to say what you mean when you really need to say it.  "Go."

I don't want to marry you.

"Stop."  Five seconds.  Five seconds compared to the two hours it took him to try to, in a very roundabout way, say the same thing.  Some people might think he was trying to soften the blow.  Believe me I'd rather have the blunt reply than the two hour spill of not saying what you mean.  That would have given me a whole hour and 58 minutes to go home, eat a bucket of greasy fried chicken and a gallon of ice cream, watch my favorite chick flick, and cry until my tear ducts were empty.  And afterwards, I am going to feel relieved I know where I stand.  I can now start making steps to moving on and finding someone better in my life.  

Fellow Toastmasters, how many times do we do this similar thing...beat around the bushes of our lives?  How many times do we choose the easier path because it is more convenient for us? 

The phrase "beating around the bush" came from an old hunting technique? Hunters, especially those hunting boars, or wild pigs, would beat at bushes and trees to get boars to run out of their hiding places. This was safer than confronting them straight on, due to the razor sharp tusks. Beating around the bush saved hunters from being injured by dangerous animals.  In this case it is a helpful idea.  In my story, beating around the bush was hurtful and left me more damaged. 

We understand why people beat around the bush...to avoid sticky situations, or to prevent people from being hurt.  But how many times does beating around the bushes of our lives prevent us from really feeling something special….or hard?  I have found I have become a stronger person because of the challenges I have endured in my life.  Do I really want to avoid them?

How much better will it be at the end of our life to say to our loved ones, “I have lived a fulfilling life?  I have said things that needed to be said.  I have done things I have said I would do.” What are the boars in our life that we do not want to confront straight on?  What dangerous animals are we hiding from?  What tasks are we putting aside because we are too scared of the risks…or the time… or the effort we would have to put in?

The big boar in my life right now is writing a children’s picture book series.  I have it right there in my mind.  I know the big idea.  I even have a plan of how I will publish pictures.  So what’s standing in my way?  My fear of being rejected?  The money?  I guess a little of all.  But even though I think time is the biggest issue, it’s actually not.  I spend so much time on my Ipod, my Facebook account, and my email each night.   I could accomplish so much if I would just stop beating around the bushes that hide my ultimate goals.  Stop hiding behind my TV and computer screens, and dedicate myself to the task.  I have the time to accomplish this task, but I also have time to beat around the bush.  I know my time would be much better spent by going after what I want.   

Instead of avoiding this boar and others, I’m going to try to tackle those life-taking beasts.  Picturing a big boar standing in the way of my dreams really helps me stay motivated.  I’m going to take control of my life and charge right through the bush...come what may.  Instead of being a bush beater, I’m going to chop that sucker down!

Mr. Toastmaster